Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize