If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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