matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
