When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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