did you get engaged???
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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