I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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