we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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