I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
