it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
