Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We don't watch enough power rangers
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
