Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize