Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
