I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
