ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
