Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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