is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
