I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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