Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
