I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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