Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
