I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
God gave him joint rollers for hands
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
