We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
