I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
