I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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