Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
