I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize