I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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