What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
