Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
