your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this beer tastes like vomit already
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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