Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
