she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
whose parrot is this?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
