he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
