you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
