You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
