to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Randomize
