1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
