: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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