I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
