his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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