17 year olds will be the death of me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There r osticjed everywhere
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
