Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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