New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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