Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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