YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
