We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
