i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
