So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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