I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
