good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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