There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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