If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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