Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
