If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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