college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
