just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
