Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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