There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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