I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
