I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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