And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
