After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
no, he came in my armpit
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
