I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
