So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
