i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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