just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
