the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
