Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
