i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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