OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
