Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize