You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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