I just threw up on my dentist
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
