apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
