i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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