I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
