I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
