Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
