Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
