i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
