Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
