Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
