you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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