her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize