I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
