What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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