I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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