sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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