I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
