Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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