Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
