Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The air was thick with penises
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
