If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My balls are so social today.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
