You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
