if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i permit you to call me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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