I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Randomize
