The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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