Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
