took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
