she was so not down for the gang bang
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
