At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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