a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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