Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
