But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
