Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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