we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
