Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
