We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
