I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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