There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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