The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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